We Love COWS.

Saturday, November 29, 2008;

♥ 9:22 PM

*Warning and apologies for a somewhat EMO post*

Home sweet home – a phrase meant to be comforting somehow seems so disconcerting right now.

2 days ago in Vietnam, my brother was happily counting down the days till we get back home. I asked him why he was so happy to go home, and he looked back at me incredulously and said, you mean you're not?

No, not quite, was my answer. Because now that I'm back, the harsh reality is drawing closer, and I'm not ready to accept it. I'm still praying and waiting for my miracle healing to take place, but time, time is running out.

That's what my parents keep telling me, I'm not recovering fast enough to go for my obk trip. They go on talking/nagging about it, and it just triggers my tear well. Sometimes I retort back, I'll be fine in time. Other times, I just lose the little energy and hope left in me, and I break down and cry.

I've been crying so much for the past 2 weeks, I think I could flood the big drain along Siglap Park Connector with my tears. I cry every night in my sleep, and every now and again when nightmarish scenes play in my normally unimaginative mind.

It hurts. The physical pain tortured me the first few days. And when that subsided, the warning of not being able to go for my obk trip just tormented me. Present tense actually.

My recovery rate is way too slow, much slower than what the chinese physician said. The sinseh said I would be able to walk normally in 3 days. I took 5 days in crutches alone, and much more than 1 week to walk normally. Even now at 2 weeks, I'm still semi-limping, I'm still not walking normally. The sinseh said I would be able to recover in around 10 days. As I said, it's 2 weeks, and I'm still not well.

I only have a few more days. A few more days before the final decision on my being able to go for obk is made. A few more days for a miracle to take place.

I'm praying so so hard. I haven't given up. The odds are all against me, strongly against me, I know. But I'm still holding on to that glimmer of hope, until the final decision is made.

A few more days. That's still a long way more. So much can happen.

Signing off,
`QUEEN.